The Twenty-Something Series: For all the single ladies whose friends have got a ring on it

When I asked what you guys would like to see on my blog this year, I had a few requests from people to talk about relationships and being single in your twenties.

And being single is something I know plenty about.

With Valentine's Day just around the corner - what better time to talk about it?

Full disclosure: I haven't really dated a lot since uni finished, and every time I did meet someone I might have dated... I moved to another city. So that was super helpful. And I am not at all cursed. At. All.

AT. ALL.

I've got plenty of friends who are either dating or in serious relationships. 

One of my friends (you know who you are, sweetie, ily) is pretty active on dating apps and my favourite first date she went on was to spend a week with a guy in Berlin. I have one friend I'm sure will get engaged over the next year or so, have been invited to another friend's wedding this summer, and I've got a few other friends who have been with their other half for a few years now.

The worst friends are the ones who, even when they become single and are content to be so, end up in a new relationship like, weeks later. (I swear, it baffles me. How do they find these people who are so perfect for them so quickly?)

It's not exactly easy being the perpetually single friend in almost every friendship group. It can get you down sometimes, and I will unashamedly admit I've spent plenty of evenings watching First Dates with a glass of wine and feeling lonely.

But this isn't a post about that. 

This also isn't a post about all the great things about being single. (Of which there are plenty. For me, it's mainly that I love having my own space, so living by myself is pure luxury, and the idea of having to share that space with someone... well, let's just hope they don't have a shedload of mugs to move in, because I'm not sure my cupboards can hold many more mugs. Also, there's nobody to argue with me about what to watch on TV, and I can sing as loud as I bloody well want. And for the record, I'm a dreadful singer.) 

Look, I bloody love being single sometimes, and sometimes it feels heckin' trash. So in the spirit of the upbeat, motivational posts we all need sometimes, here are a few ways to cope with being a single pringle in your twenties.

Watch those trashy rom-coms

Sound counter-intuitive? I know, but hear me out. There's something brilliant about spending a Saturday evening curled up on the sofa watching romance blossom on the screen. Romance can happen anywhere and at any time, and sometimes it's just nice to be reminded of that.

Channel your inner Bridget Jones

Crack open a pint of ice cream, embrace the terrible dating faux-pas you've made and laugh about them with your friends, and take up journalling. I don't journal every day - or even every week - but this year I'm trying to do it every so often, and so far I'm really enjoying having that outlet. (And hey, it all worked out for Bridge in the end, right?)

Set up dates with your mates

Yes, even the ones who are horrifically in love who post those gooey captions on daily Instagrams with their SO. (And no, I don't mean ask them to set you up and go on a double date - although heck, if any of my mates want to do that, please, feel free.) Get your friends together and just hang out, without any boyfriends or girlfriends. Sure, you're probably going to end up talking about your relationships (even the non-existent ones) but so what? You're going to have a brilliant night out with your friends, and that's never a bad thing!

Remind yourself of everything else in your life you can put your energy into

So you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend to be spending time with. What else can you spend time doing? 

Go see your family for a weekend, hang out with your siblings. Meet up with friends you haven't seen for a while. Been meaning to start a blog? Great! No better time for it. Hoping to get a promotion? Channel that extra energy into your job to build your career up. (Then get home and crash on the sofa, glad you don't have to go back out and see anyone.)

Practice self-care

Sometimes you need to embrace the single life. Blast your favourite Spotify playlist (cheesy pop tunes? Absolute belters from Disney movies? S Club 7 throwbacks? ALL OF IT), or curl up with a good movie. Treat yourself to a hot chocolate or a glass of wine. Cook yourself a fancy meal or order in. Paint your nails, wear your comfiest hoodie. Hell, spend a day cleaning and doing laundry and organising your kitchen cupboards if that's what makes you feel good about life! 

We all love a bit of self-care, and you don't need an excuse to do it. Just do something nice for you, and enjoy it.

Take yourself out!

I wrote a while back about doing things alone, and honestly, I love it. I took myself to the cinema alone for the first time back in 2018 to watch The Greatest Showman. Solihull (the town I currently live in) had a pop-up free cinema showing Christmas movies in December, so I stopped by to catch the end of a movie and take a break from shopping.

Go out for coffee with that book you've been meaning to read, go out for a meal at that place you've really wanted to try. Go shopping for a day, or go someplace new. Trust me, it's not as scary as you think it will be, and if people are thinking anything about you, it's probably: 'Wow, look at them, they're so cool and confident, I wish I could be like that.'

I mean - have you ever seen someone out at dinner or a concert by themselves? You don't think it's weird, if you think anything of them. They won't be thinking it about you. 

And finally - the biggest piece of advice I have... Work on your confidence

So I have a friend who was seeing a guy for a while; she kept saying she'd call things off with him because he wasn't great for her. She got there in the end, but only after realising it had a lot to do with her confidence and deciding to focus on taking care of herself more. 

My career as an author did wonders for my confidence, but it took a bit of a knock during my uni years and I've spent a while rebuilding that. Confidence is a huge thing and means something different for all of us - so whether it's just getting out by yourself more, trying a new hair cut, or working towards a promotion at work, boosting your confidence can influence other areas of your life. And while I'm not saying it's been a cure to all my single woes, for me, it's meant not being miserable about that. My confidence has had a lot to do with being comfortable in myself - which is a wonderful thing.



Singledom can feel a bit more like single-doom when you're surrounded by friends with great relationships, but it's not all gloomy. Honestly, I've got better things to waste energy on than sulking because I don't have a date, but a friend does. (Namely, watching Drag Race and working on my newest book.) 

I'd rather just be happy for my friends and do something I enjoy, and keep one eye open for my own movie-worthy meet-cute.